Jonathan Sanchez Commits a Party Foul

We had a saying in my fraternity in college, something we would yell out at a party after an awkward or embarrassing incident. The kind of incident that draws attention that draws everyone’s attention and kind of makes the record skip a beat (you know, if we still had records).

“If I’d known it was going to be this kind of party, I wouldn’t have put my dick in the mashed potatoes.” (I think it’s an old Red Foxx line)

I know, I know. I took out student loans for that? But trust me, after a few meetings with Brother Busch Light at dorm and house parties on and around Northwestern’s campus, that mashed potatoes joke was gold.

Anyway, what does this have to do with baseball? I’ll tell you.

Friday night against the Padres, Jonathan Sanchez put his dick in the mashed potatoes (my favorite YouTube clip of the moment. This guy managed to record the final three outs, including Aaron Rowand's ridiculous catch. This one is pretty solid, too. The way he's throwing around his $3,000 HD camera, you’d have thought an earthquake had just hit AT&T Park. What? Too soon?). If it wasn’t for Juan Uribe’s seizure on a somewhat routine ground ball at third base, Sanchez would have gone a step further and tea-bagged the gravy, but by the wee hours of Saturday morning (on the only coast ESPN truly cares about), the damage was done. Sanchez effectively ruined the surprise party the Giants have been throwing for the better part of the first half of the season.

The circumstances were magical. Making a spot start in place of the injured Randy Johnson, Sanchez was pitching with his job on the line. Control issues had cost him his spot in the rotation and he seemed bullpen bound. There was even talk of the Giants trading him for a much-needed bat.

So what does the kid do? He throws the first no-hitter of the season with his father in the stands. The same father who had never seen him pitch in the big leagues before! Are you kidding?!?! Was this a Kevin Costner movie? Even my cousin's new baby, Gunner, couldn't believe this was happening (that's his incredulous look).

After Sanchez got a solid I-Want-To-Be-A-Part-Of-History third strike call from the home plate umpire (that curve ball was both high and outside), his hugging exchange with his father got a little emotional… for everyone watching on TV as well. Actual text message exchange with my buddy Bobo who is a lifelong Giants fan:

@Me: His father is killing me. P.S. My fiancée is crying.
@Bobo: You don’t think it’s a little dusty in the Bozin household right now?

Can’t blame him. How do you say “Hey Dad, do you want to have a catch?” en Espanol?

(side note: GREAT job by CSN San Francisco of getting the father’s reaction to every big play of the ninth inning. The elder Sanchez looked like he was going to pass out after Aaron Rowand turned into the anti-Uribe. (side note to the side note: it’s not OK to use a Spanish accent when pronouncing the names of Spanish players or when speaking to them in interviews. No one likes it when Jon Miller does this, and he’s Jon freaking Miller. This goes for you, Amy Gutierrez, CSN's in-game reporter who puts the "ho" in "horrendous." During her postgame interview with Sanchez and his father, Sanchez's dad said, "Dios es grande." Gutierrez, despite her last name, looked confused, so Sanchez helped her out by saying, "God is huge." Gutierrez still didn't get it and stammered, "That's right. That was huge." I'm not kidding. Here's a clip. Why shouldn't she have a job in sports TV?))

In all honesty, how many casual baseball fans could even tell you who Jonathan Sanchez was before Friday night? He’s been the seventh best pitcher on his own team this season (behind Tim Lincecum, Matt Cain, Johnson, Brian Wilson, NL holds leader Jeremy Affeldt, 7th inning specialist Sergio Romo and even Barry Zito). If you had asked ten baseball “experts” which Giant they thought had the best chance to throw a no-hitter, nine would have said Lincecum and Skip Bayless would have said Randy Johnson just to be an asshole.

The point is, Sanchez wasn’t even in the discussion. In another couple of weeks, he might have been traded to Pittsburgh for Adam LaRoche or Baltimore for Aubrey Huff.

But he did more than strike out 11 Padres and put up a no-hitter in his first career complete game. Sanchez also took away any shot the Giants had of sneaking up on anyone the rest of the season. They had a real shot, too. Outside of the occasional superlative compliment about Lincecum from Scott Van Pelt (more on in a future column) or a fantasy baseball “buy” on Pablo Sandoval or Cain from Eric Karabell (oh, you think so, doctor?), the Giants get zippy play from the national media.

None.

Because of ESPN’s hyper-focus on the Yankees, Red Sox, Dodgers, and Cubs (and the hyper-local focus of local affiliates just to offer something ESPN doesn’t), hardly any casual baseball fans knew just how loaded the Giants really were this season. If anything gets any play from the west coast, it’s whatever Manny Ramirez had for lunch (I heard it was cantaloupes because it helps his breast milk stay sweet).

Sure, Lincecum is “Timmy Franchise," was the NL starter in the All-Star game, and has flirted with a no-no himself a few times in his young career. But what about Cain’s 10-2 record and a Lincecum-esque 2.38 ERA? Or Johnson’s six quality starts and 80 Ks in 91 innings? Even Zito is pitching better lately (not $126 million better, but it’s a start). Combine that with a nasty bullpen (Affeldt has 19 holds and a 1.32 ERA, Wilson is 23 of 27 on save chances and routinely gets his fastball above 100mph) and a disciplined young line-up (Sandoval is hitting .333 with 15 home runs and 55 RBIs) and the Giants are just about the last team anyone wants to face in the playoffs.

If the Giants even make it to the postseason.

Now that Sanchez has sent a warning shot to the rest of the league not to take the young Giants lightly, can San Francisco hold off the rest of the Mets, Brewers, Cubs and even the Rockies to win the Wild Card? I say they can. I’ll go a step further and predict a Giants-Dodgers NLCS. Lincecum and Roy Halladay in Game 1. Cain and Chad Billingsley in Game 2. Johnson and Clayton Kershaw in Game 3.

Now that might even make ESPN stand up and pay attention. You know, if Sanchez's mashed potatoes party foul hasn't done it already.

It Can't End Like This... Can It?

PRE-GAME-

I have a Pavlovian response to Kiefer Sutherland's voice at this point. Every time I hear that Marlboro'd rasp, forged by the urgent shouts of Jack Bauer and his genes (his Dad, Donald, has one great set of pipes), I get excited. Because for me, it either means another hour in the life of his 24 CTU agent or, as it has for the last couple of weeks, it means the Caps and Pens are about to get after it. Wait a minute, am I a hockey fan now?

Beautiful day in the nation's capital and normally on a night like this, you'd have people crowding Georgetown bars and restaurants, maybe playing in their kickball and softball leagues, generally enjoying the best time of year to live in one of the best cities in the world.

Not tonight.

Tonight, in the middle of the worst economy this side of the Great Depression, 20,000 red-clad lunatics are gladly forking over hundreds of their hard-earned and harder-saved dollars to watch a hockey team (a hockey team?!?!) try to save the sports psyche of Washington, D.C. And if Sidney Crosby gets a broken nose out of the whole deal, that's fine, too.

The 85-degree monsoon thunderstorm rocking the palm trees outside of my apartment doesn't necessarily put me in a hockey mood, but you play the cards you're dealt. I'm more than 900 miles from home (910 to my Mom's front door) and I ache to be a part of this.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I now present to you... Game Seven.

FIRST PERIOD-

19:10- What's the hockey equivalent of de-cleated? De-skated? Because Alexander Ovechkin just de-skated Brooks Orpik even though Orpik was lining up a hit on Ovechkin. Less than a minute in and the Phone Booth is rocking. You will never see Clark Kent do something like that. 0-0 Tied.

18:20- First scary stat of the series: Marc-Andre Fleury's goals averaged against is a full goal lower than Varlamov in the playoffs. Specifically, Varly has given up more than 3.5 goals per game over his last five games. Ouch. 0-0 Tied.

16:59- My official transcript of the last 7 seconds: "There we go, finally some defense!" "Oh, breakaway... Ovieeeeee.... @#*#&^!" First the Caps defenders finally step up and stop the Crosby-Bill Guerin connection that's worked the last four games. Then Ovie gets loose off of a perfect outlet pass and gets stoned by Fleury (who made a legitimate nasty save). We're less than four minutes in and I need a new shirt. 0-0 Tied.

15:00- Your Caps MVP of the first five minutes (and I can't believe I'm writing this): Tomas Fleischmann. Great effort during his first shift, got off a decent scoring opportunity, and in the last minute or so, he managed to force a Pens turnover in the Pittsburgh zone and got off another solid shot that left a decent rebound for his teammates. Fleischmann's playing well, the Caps dodged a bullet when a Ruslan Fedotenko wrister went off the post and Fleury stopped Ovechkin on a breakaway. I'll take Signs of the Apocalypse for $400, Alex. 0-0 Tied.

13:21- Hey, Sergei Gonchar is back! Remember all those Stanley Cups he won with the Caps? Oh wait... 0-0 Tied.

9:32- What does Alexander Semin have to do to get benched? Turn around and fire a slap shot at Varlamov? No one was even near him during his last turnover. He's playing like he's new to the game. Not Game Seven. The game of Hockey. 0-0 Tied.

9:12- Great one-liner from Daryl Reaugh: "It's like Semin has rubber allergies or something, the way he's been turning the puck over." There's a rubber allergy joke in there somewhere, but I'm too mad at Semin to find it. 0-0 Tied.

9:11- Christine Simpson just interviewed Bruce Boudreau during Game Seven of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. I appreciate media access as much as anyone, but how about Brucey gets back to work? 0-0 Tied.

7:24- I was just about to write about how much more intimidated by Malkin than Crosby. Then "the Kid" gets another doorstep goal that could have actually gone in off of his skate. I don't think the Caps managed to clear the puck once during that power play. 1-0 Penguins.

7:16- Do not check the time codes on this blog. You are not seeing things. Eight seconds (8 freaking seconds!) after Crosby's power play goal, Craig Adams (who?) beat Varly golveside as the Caps defense stood around and sulked about the earlier goal. Well guess what, fellas? You're now down 2-0 because of your pouting. Wake the hell up. 2-0 Penguins.

6:54- Emrick just informed us Craig Adams has 42 career playoff games and that was his first goal. Sure, why not? 2-0 Penguins.

3:45- Watching Semin and Sergei Federov on the same line is like watching Dumb and Dumber on ice. 2-0 Penguins.

3:23- Just about the stupidest penalty I've ever seen from Federov. He cross-checked a Penguin, away from the play, in the direct eye line of a referee. If Pittsburgh scores on this power play, this series is over. Biggest penalty kill of the season for the Caps. 2-0 Penguins.

1:18- Reaugh just said something that I couldn't agree with more completely: "He (Varly) is the only reason the Caps are still in this game." Just an outstanding individual effort from Varly to stop the Pens on their power play. Intermission can't come soon enough. 2-0 Penguins.

0:00.0- Thank God.

INTERMISSION-

I know Varlamov is only 21 and he just learned English, but do you think he has the locker room cred to stand up and verbally slap everyone of his teammates in the face? Something like the time the Japanese player called out Pedro Cerano in Major League II? You... have... no... marbles! He doesn't deserve this.

(Sidenote: Christine Simpson just interviewed Crosby and his "playoff beard." I've seen girls with better sideburns. Ugly girls, but girls nonetheless).

SECOND PERIOD-

19:32- Game over. Crosby and Guerin just worked their maddening give and go to open up the second period and Guerin beat Varly from 40 feet. I can't necessarily blame Varlamov because I tried to watch it back and see how Varly got beat and I went frame by frame and still couldn't see the puck off of Guerin's stick. For the record, I think Guerin beat him 5-hole. 3-0 Penguins.

17:47- Why not? Kris Letang beats Varly shortside and high from just outside the left circle and that's it for Varlamov. He sure was fun to watch, but his inconsistency also drove me crazy. The Pens wrote the book on him and it says to blast away from distance and/or shoot right between his legs. I'm too frustrated to write the obligatory 'That's what she said' joke. 4-0 Penguins.

12:08- The Pens have out-shot the Caps 20-7 so far. I honestly can't blame Varlamov one bit. He's had to deal with this crap for the last five games. What did you expect from a rookie goaltender against the most offensively-skilled team in the game? Seriously. 4-0 Penguins.

8:23- Annnnnnnd... I'm out. The Caps have given up and I'll do the same. Miroslav Satan had all day to pick and choose which one of his teammates to pass to in the Caps zone, found a wide open Jordan Staal waiting just outside the crease and Staal took it from there. Aren't you supposed to check someone who camps out in front of the net? Aren't you supposed to at least PUT A BODY ON HIM?!?! 5-0 Penguins.

I can't believe this. I can and I can't. The Caps defense has been flirting with disaster all series, so I can't pretend to be too surprised. When I was firing up the DVR for tonight I chose to record Game Seven and American Idol over Lost because, I mean, it's Game Seven. But now I'll get to catch the season finale because apparently no one told the Caps their season was on the line, so I'm going to tap out and call it a night.

THREE HOURS LATER-

Ok, I went out and grabbed some dinner, vented a little bit to my fiancee and cooled down a little. It's like your Mom used to say: I guess I'm not mad, just disappointed. Completely and bitterly disappointed. Losing is one thing. There's no shame in that. There's honor in trading haymakers with a team like Pittsburgh for seven games. But to get blown out, nay, to get emasculated, castrated on your home ice... is shameful. Where was the effort? Where was the hustle on the defensive end? It's easy to blame Varlamov, but it's not entirely fair. Even after the Caps had fallen into a 2-0 hole, Versus' Daryl Reaugh recognized Varly's hustle and said he was the only reason the Caps were still in the game. Lazy penalties put the Penguins on power plays, a lack of hustle on the defensive end had Varly fighting for his life and the kid deserved better than that.

He's 21-years-old for Pete's sake! He was over his skis from the minute he hit the ice in Game Two of the Rangers series. But he sure was fun to watch, wasn't he? He seemed to get better with every start and fed off of the home crowds. But beginning in Game Three in Pittsburgh, he was on his own. I don't have specific stats, but the Pens out-shot the Caps the entire series. It was criminal to watch. The scary thing is Varly is so young, you don't know how something like this could affect him in the future. You see pitchers lose their control in baseball and you see golfers get the yips. Is it too far-fetched to think something like could this happen in hockey?

There are plenty of other questions Caps fans will have the entire summer to mull over. After skating around like the Tin Man for the postseason, will Federov be back? What do they do with Jose Theodore? What the hell happened to Alexander Semin? For the love of all that is good, please do something about the defense! (ok, that was more of a request, but it's still important).

Caps fans really shouldn't be surprised. Washington is now 2-6 in Game Sevens including 0-3 against Pittsburgh. I got a text message from a former co-worker after the Penguins went up 3-0 early in the second period that said, "It can't end like this, can it?"

It can.

I just can't believe it did.

On the Eve of History: Caps Win Game Six

I've known my friend Brian for more than 20 years (when you get old you can write stuff like that), ever since his Dad was our tee-ball coach in Vienna (the Indians, we were awesome, lost to the Hawks in the Town Tournament final, I was voted 'Biggest Hat Size,' *sniff).

Like so many of our friends in the finance industry, Brian has decided to take a time-out from our current economy to go get his master's degree on the grounds of Mr. Jefferson's University down in Charlottesville. But with the Caps facing an elimination Game Six, Brian decided to drive the 5 1/2 hours to Pittsburgh just in case this turned out to be the last game of a fantastic series.

Here are the text messages (unedited, so I apologize in advance for the profanity) he sent me through the evening:

7:16pm- "There are literally 8 caps fans here. I counted." (yes, literally is spelled wrong)

7:26pm- After I suggested that meant he'd have to cheer louder: "I'll try."

10:02pm- After I sent him a celebratory text: "I started crying."

10:04pm- "I've never been so fucking happy."

10:06pm- After I asked if he was going to Game Seven: "100percwnt." (yes again to the wrong spelling).

10:20pm- "Could not feel less safe right now."

10:24pm- After I asked him whether he was wearing any Caps gear: "Ovie jersey, on the pitt metro. Bad."

So there's one fan's perspective. If Brian does somehow pony up the dough for a ticket Wednesday night, we'll definitely have more from his cell phone. For now, let's recap how we got to one of the best things in sports: Game Seven.

PRE-GAME-
A great opening montage from Versus. I miss these. I remember the ones Bob Costas used to voice during the Jordan years on NBC (I'd literally record them and save them) and no one seems to do it anymore. Versus just showed the fans in both Pittsburgh and Washington and is it wrong to say the Capitals fans are just better looking? Am I too much of a homer if I firmly believe this? It's like the perm never went out of style in Western Pennsylvania.

Christine Simpson scores a pre-game interview with Sidney Crosby where Clark Kent says, "when you get tired, you start to make mistakes." So judging by his sparse, pre-pubescent facial hair, Crosby's absolutely exhausted already.

FIRST PERIOD-
20:00- We haven't even started yet and we already have our first gem from color commentator Daryl Reaugh: "Crosby's had more allies." You think so, doctor? You mean Crosby's gotten help while it's been Ovechkin and Varly playing 2-on-6 so far? How'd you figure that out, through the power of sight? 0-0 Tied.

18:46- Less than two minutes in and the Caps defense has already had a lazy turnover deep in their zone. Great start. It almost led to a Matt Cooke goal, but Matt Cooke is a useless human being, so I can't imagine how worthless he is as a hockey player. (That's right, it's an elimination game so I'm stepping my game up). 0-0 Tied.

14:49- Versus shows us a contrast in preparation styles from our two goalies. Varly uses the last couple of minutes to stretch, Marc-Andre Fleury stays in goal and apparently lets every one of his teammates score on him. I think I like Varly's style better? 0-0 Tied.

14:05- On second thought, maybe Varly could have faced a few more shots. Bill Guerin just beat him top shelf (made the water bottle bounce) off of a great pass from Crosby. What happened to the Caps defense, you ask? I have no idea since Versus stayed with Chris Letang's outlet pass for two seconds too long. But it looked like (gasp) the Caps were out of position which led to the 2-on-1. What a surprise. Ugghh. 1-0 Penguins.

11:41- As much as I have ripped and will continue to rip on the Washington defensemen, they just helped Varly out in a big way, clearing out the rebound after a great individual effort from Evgeni Malkin. I know Crosby has had a much better series to this point, but for some reason, Malkin scares me even more. Maybe it's his mom. 1-0 Penguins.

9:44- I know it's only the first period, but we've officially reached Scary Power Play status for the Penguins. Already up 1-0 with a power play coming up? I don't think the Caps have it in them to come back from a 2-0 defecit, not with the way they've played the last three games. 1-0 Penguins.


8:44- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! Pens now have a 5-on-3 because Crosby just flopped, soccer-style. Brooks Laich was trying to clear "the Kid" out from in front of the net and Crosby completely flopped on the second shove. How do I know it was a flop? Because the first shove caught him by surprise and he didn't go down. Crosby expected the second shove and went down like he was shot. What a great hockey player this guy is. 1-0 Penguins.


7:46- Penalty on Crosby and not a second too soon. There aren't too many things in sports scarier than facing Malkin and Crosby on a 5-on-3 power play. Pens still have a 4-on-3 so the Caps aren't out of the woods yet. 1-0 Penguins.


6:44- Sure wouldn't mind seeing a Caps equalizer here on the power play. Versus just showed the shot statbar and the Penguins have a 17-3 shot advantage. That's not a typo. 1-0 Penguins.

5:03- Caps finally caught a break as the refs missed Brian Pothier's attempt to basically cut Crosby's nose off of his face. Pothier's shoulder actually knocked Crosby's helmet off, but the ensuing high stick was pretty cool to see. Crosby's helmet actually doesn't spend a whole lot of time on his head. Good thing he only fights when other guys have their backs turned. 1-0 Penguins.

3:37- Apparently Mike Green is actually a pretty good goal-scorer for a defenseman. I wouldn't know this because he's been flying out of Miami International Airport (MIA) for every game of this series. 1-0 Penguins.

1:41- Bottom of your screen, John Erskine just put a great hit on Evgeni Malkin to disrupt Pittsburgh's break. So far, I'm pretty happy with the Caps defense. You know, aside from the blown assignment that led to the only goal of the game so far. 1-0 Penguins.

0:00.0- After a cross-checking penalty on Chris Kunitz, the Caps open up the second period on a power play. Can I go ahead and request Alexander Semin not be allowed to participate? 1-0 Penguins.


INTERMISSION-
I think it's safe to say I'll see The Hangover on opening night. I can't remember the last time I said that about a movie. But I gotta be honest: not psyched about Will Ferrell's summer adventure, Land of the Lost. These guys grow up, have kids, and want to make family movies (Adam Sandler, Mike Myers, Ferrell). I get it. But don't expect me to plunk down $10 to see Ferrell and Kenny Powers run away from dinosaurs. Not gonna happen.

SECOND PERIOD-
20:00- Caps open up the period on the power play. Sure wouldn't mind an equalizer here. I'll say it again: this CANNOT get to a 2-0 game. 1-0 Penguins.

18:01- I've done my fair share of ripping on Versus during this series, but one thing they've gotten right is they don't clutter your view with stat bars or graphics. You have the score and the clock at the top of the screen and that's it. They've also done a great job with the important stats like the fact the Penguins had an 8-3 advantage in terms of scoring chances in the first period and outshot the Caps 18-4. That's not a typo... 18 to freaking 4! How can you expect to win a series when you're getting outshot so badly? 1-0 Penguins.

13:42- Awww... Crosby took a puck in the chest and he's hurt. Apparently, kryptonite isn't Clark Kent's only weakness. 1-0 Penguins.


13:33- Atta boy, Kozzie!!! Regardless of how this game turns out, that laserbeam of a wrister from Kozlov is one of the biggest goals of the playoffs for the Caps. They had to have that equalizer. Good to see Ovechkin's getting some help from his countrymen (and for the record, I have noooo idea if Kozlov is Russian or not). 1-1 Tied.


12:26- Caps on the power play? Hmm... if the Caps can find a way to put the go-ahead goal home I think you'd be able to hear the air being let out of the Igloo. But that's not what this Caps team does. They don't go for the throat enough. That's why we're even watching a Game Six in the first place. It didn't have to be this way. 1-1 Tied.

8:28- See? Right there! That deflection stuff is what bothers me the most about Varlamov. He deflects and blocks pucks that he could easily catch, which gives the Penguins a better opportunity at a cheap rebound (See: Crosby). And he's really not getting any help from his defenders in clearing the puck so why not catch it and just deal with the face-off? 1-1 Tied.


5:18- Scooooooore! First of all, Alexander Semin should have had a penalty shot after he was taken down from behind on the breakaway. Secondly, who is this guy wearing Tomas Fleischmann's jersey? That was actually a heads-up, stick with it play. For once, the Caps were the team crowding the seam and sticking home the rebound goal. Caps take a lead and it's a lot quieter in the Igloo. Finally. 2-1 Caps.


2:04- Just a stupid penalty for Washington's Brian Pothier to take. There wasn't a real scoring opportunity for Pittsburgh and there's no way the referees were going to miss that. The Caps desperately need to get to the locker room with a lead. More than Ellen Pompeo needs a meal, the Caps need a lead at Intermission. 2-1 Caps.


0:33.4- I'll stop writing now. 2-2 Tied.


0:33.4- Seriously though, I feel like Varly's a little slutty with his 5-hole. How many times has he been beaten there during this series? Seriously. There are children watching. 2-2 Tied.


0:00.0- I love the intensity that we saw from the Caps in the second period, but it's like they just can't let well enough alone. Washington will score and then take a stupid penalty that leads to a goal. I'd sure like to see the Caps put together a complete game. That'd be amazing. 2-2 Tied.


INTERMISSION-
Here's my fiancee on Brian Engblom (who came over to the Caps from Montreal in the Rod Langway trade of 1982): "what's up with that guy's hair? Does he really walk out of the house thinking he's ready to go on television?" Ladies and gentlemen, the future mother of my children. She does have a great point, though.


THIRD PERIOD-
20:00- You know who's joined Mike Green on his flight out of MIA for most of this series? Dave Steckel. He was my second-favorite Capital during the first two games of the series, but he's been in Witness Protection since then. 2-2 Tied.


16:49- Something is wrong with Crosby. As much as I rip on him, I recognize his talent as one of the purest scorers in the game and he just missed a gimme off of a backboard rebound. I mean, I'll take it, but if you're going to beat a team like Pittsburgh, don't you want to beat them at full strength so they don't have any excuses? Screw it, I'm fine with it for tonight. Maybe he can get right for Game Seven. 2-2 Tied.


15:29- I don't know who I'm more upset with, Steckel for taking an unnecessary penalty, or the referee for giving the Kris Letang another B.S. goal. Seriously, check out the replay. A loose puck off of a shot from Malkin bounced straight off of a referee and right to Letang for a room-service slap shot. Varly didn't even have a chance. I'm really starting to hate Letang. 3-2 Penguins.


14:22- Scooooooooore! It turns out Alexander Semin has a pulse after all! It looks like they gave the goal to Brooks Laich on the re-direct, but Semin actually showed some initiative and managed to not turn it over before he got the shot off. Just a huge goal. 3-3 Tied.


13:53- Vik-tor Koz-lov... clap, clap clapclapclap! Somehow the Caps have now scored 2 goals in less than 30 seconds and have a precious lead. In the third period. In Pittsburgh. Of an elimination game. Is it too early to start the countdown? 4-3 Caps.

9:52- Our color commentator, Daryl Reaugh: "the cream is truly rising to the top right now." Is it? Because I could have sworn the three best players in this series haven't scored tonight. But that's just me. 4-3 Caps.


7:34- Are the Pens on a power play? Did they pull their goalie? Because that's how the Caps are playing. Truly infuriating to watch. It's like watching football's prevent defense on ice. 4-3 Caps.


4:49- The Penguins have out-shot the Capitals 35-19 with 4:49 left in the third period. I'm just saying... 4-3 Caps.

4:18- Dammit! Dammitdammitdammit. Another turnover from the Caps defense leads to another rebound goal from Crosby. I really hate this guy, but I'm pretty sure I'd love him if he were wearing the Red, White and Blue (that joke works on different levels. Crosby's also Canadian). 4-4 Tied.

2:02- I can read Bruce Boudreau's lips and I agree with every damn word he's saying. How do you make that call in the final minutes of an elimination game in the most-watched series of the post-season? Really? Really?!? That's one of the worst calls I've ever seen. 4-4 Tied.

0:05- Steckel just had a chance to end it in regulation! An outstanding individual effort from Backy to keep the puck in Pittsburgh's zone and kill the power play, then he had the presence of mind to feed a streaking Steckel who had a great look to end it. I'll take overtime... and a fresh pair of shorts. 4-4 Tied.


0:00.0- And... exhale. We're going to overtime and I'm pretty sure I can't take much more of this series. 4-4 Tied.

INTERMISSION-
I'm too nervous to think of anything witty. Seriously, my fingers are shaking. Let's just go to overtime.

OVERTIME-
20:00- Apparently Fleury's in some rarefied air when it comes to winning playoff games in overtime. He's won his first five attempts. I still think I could score on him if I could manage to skate without breaking what's left of my ankles. 4-4 Tied.

16:35- For the first time this entire series, the crowd in Pittsburgh didn't boo when Ovechkin had the puck. They held their breath. Seriously, watch it back. Not too many people that can make a crowd do that. 4-4 Tied.


16:04- Rob Scuderi just came within an inch of becoming my least favorite person in sports. After hounding Ovechkin for the last four games, Scuderi almost ended the series with a slap shot that went off of the crossbar. I'm a wreck right now. 4-4 Tied.



13:38- YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!! We get a Game Seven in D.C.! Just a perfect re-direct from Dave Steckel off of a Brooks Laich wrister and there is much fist-pumping in my apartment. Tiger Woods-style. I love how quiet the Igloo is right now. They just showed a Pens fan wearing a Red Sox hat. He's going to hell, I think that's pretty obvious. But you and I, my friend, are headed to a Game Seven! Caps win, 5-4 in OT.

There's nothing like Game Seven. Not a thing. It's easily one of the best things in sports because it's one of the few times where a season comes down to one game. The NFL has had it right for years and it's no coincidence football is the most popular sport in America. It's down to one game and you can thank-any-religious-deity-you-want for the fact the game will be played in D.C. The Verizon Center was amazing for Games 1, 2 and 5, can you imagine Wednesday night?


In this economy, in that town, it takes something special to get people to pay hundreds of dollars for tickets... but I think Game Seven qualifies.

Not Again: Caps Score on Themselves, Drop Game 5

PRE-GAME-

I can't seem to get any confirmation on this, but I'm pretty sure that's Kiefer Sutherland voicing the pre-game 'The following is a presentation of the National Hockey League' line on Versus. Smart move to get in on this series any way you can. It's an easy joke, but atta boy Kiefer, way to use your head.

Versus shows us a shot of a street hockey game on Pennsylvania Avenue. Whoa, wait, it was 87 degrees in D.C. today?!?! I bet the Metro smelled lovely.

Our color commentator, Daryl Reaugh, says Alexander Ovechkin was 'just another guy' during the two games in Pittsburgh. I disagree with that. Let's call him 'a guy forced to do it all himself.' How does that work for everyone?

Reaugh just cemented his annoying idiocy status with me by dubbing Sidney Crosby the best player of the series so far. It's easy to look good when you get help from your teammates. Obviously, I think it's been Ovechkin, but that's just me. And because it's true.

FIRST PERIOD-

20:00- Apparently Pittsburgh's Sergei Gonchar can't do two things: 1) take a hit, and 2) play tonight. So it sounds like Ovechkin did find a way to contribute in Game Four. 0-0 Tied.

18:59- Emrick says Alexander Semin leads the series with four assists, but has still been unproductive. I don't know if that makes sense, but I wholeheartedly agree. Semin needs to earn his money tonight. 0-0 Tied.

15:36- Four or five great scoring chances for the Caps in the last minute and a half or so. Erskine, Steckel and Gordon all had good looks, but Fleury did just enough to keep this thing scoreless. I love the intensity from the Caps so far. They've probably been this way all season, but the Caps play like a different team in the Phone Booth. 0-0 Tied.

14:19- Semin continues his outstanding series with a stupid tripping penalty. I can't even argue this one (outside of the fact it looked like the Penguin fell, but whatever). Pens on the power play. 0-0 Tied.

13:31- Varly's off to a great start after he just informed Chris Kunitz that his poor effort needs to find a different location from the one Varly is currently occupying (aka, get that weak shit out of here). Kunitz got through a little too easily, though. Washington's defense needs to put up a better effort. 0-0 Tied.

11:54- It's good to see Ovie back to his old self. After looking out of sorts in Pittsburgh, Ovechkin just connected on a big hit along the boards, then led the break and hustled down to the offensive end. The fans love it and the Caps need that home ice advantage tonight. 0-0 Tied.

9:12- Varly continues to have trouble with shots from distance and it just doesn't make any sense to me. Doesn't it stand to reason that it's easier to stop something from farther away then it is to stop something closer to you? Is there a 'that's what she said' joke in there somewhere? The answer to both questions: probably. 0-0 Tied.

8:33- Daryl Reaugh, our annoying closet Penguins fan of a color commentator just told Mike Emrick the action is so exciting: "My spine is actually tingling right now." Um... you should probably have that looked at? 0-0 Tied.

7:21- I think we just had our first commercial break. Why isn't hockey more popular? Oh yeah, because Gary Bettman has run the league into the ground over the last 10 years. 0-0 Tied.

5:26- A linesman just got leveled by a hit along the boards near the red line and the fans cheered as they always do when something like that happens. I've never really thought it was too cool to laugh at a ref getting hit (because you can't really root for someone to get hurt), but with the way this series has been officiated... I mean... 0-0 Tied.

3:41- Great start to the power play for Semin. He tried to do too much and not set the offense, turned the puck over, then had his lame attempt easily blocked by Hal Gill. Are you telling me the Caps don't have anyone else they could play in Semin's place? Maybe a security guard? 0-0 Tied.

1:41- Actually a pretty good point from Reaugh: "Fleury's playing fantastic, but his defenders are acting like goalies in front of him." That's really been the difference in this series. Varly's not getting much help from his defenders, while the Penguins apparently suit up six goalies. 0-0 Tied.

0:00.0- I didn't think I'd ever write this, but that scoreless first period was actually pretty exciting. Both teams showed good intensity, the Caps actually managed to out-shoot the Pens for most of the first 20 minutes, and Varly looks like he's shaken off the butterflies from Games 3 and 4. Washington needs a much better effort from it's defense, though. You can't leave a veteran goalie out there to face multiple rebounds, let alone a 21-year-old Russian who's first word of English was 'awesome.'

INTERMISSION-

I know I've told this story before and I have a couple of really good friends who have worked or continue to work for Enterprise, but... I hate Enterprise. What are they known for? Picking you up. 'Enterprise: We'll pick you up.' The only problem being... that's not even true. The one time (ONE TIME) I needed a rental car to come pick me up, I called Enterprise and was informed, 'um, we don't do that here.' Oh really? Because I can't watch a game without seeing one of your dangerously unsafe wrapped cars going to pick someone up at their house. Weird.

SECOND PERIOD-

18:30- We've already had three pucks get flipped up and out of play which has led to a kind of choppy flow to the second period. Here's a question for longtime hockey fans: did they really used to play these games without any nets to protect the fans? I know a few people did get seriously hurt, but how did it take so long to get those nets up? 0-0 Tied.

16:32- Matt Cooke just put a clean, solid hit on Ovechkin that put Ovie into the boards, back-first. Yet another reason Ovechkin is more likable than Crosby: Ovie didn't get up and start complaining to the referees, instead he popped up and got in Cooke's face during the next stoppage in play. Thanks to Tim for this YouTube clip that gives us an insight into Crosby's fighting style. 0-0 Tied.

16:10- Varly just informed Crosby that the kitchen was, in fact, closed and no more cookies are being served. Great save on a mini-breakaway from Sid the Kid. It's a little crazy to watch Varly because that sort of stuff, I don't doubt he'll make the play. But if Crosby had pulled up near the blue line I would have been worried. 0-0 Tied.

14:43- I know Mike Green is a great defenseman, but what the hell was he doing there?!?! Jordan Staal and Miroslav Satan just played a little two-man game right next to the net and Green just stood in front of the crease. Shaone Morrisonn was the only defender actually playing defense. Green (and I think this next word is overused, but it's actually appropriate here) LITERALLY stood there. 1-0 Penguins.

14:11- The team to score first in this series has lost all four games. So you're telling me there's a chance... 1-0 Penguins.

13:44- Wow! W-o-w! I think Ovie just fired a wrister through a human being and beat Fleury top shelf. Even better, after looking at the replay, it was Orpik defending and Ovechkin fired the shot between Orpik's legs and up and passed Fleury. Good to see Ovie's back. 1-1 Tied.

8:50- After a few big hits and close calls at the Caps defensive end, Reaugh says: "this place is just throbbing." Easy, big guy. This is a family establishment. Take that 'throbbing' talk somewhere else. 1-1 Tied.

7:15- It was on the right side of the screen and if you weren't looking that way, you probably missed it but you shouldn't feel bad because the refs did, too. Mike Green just got pulled to the ice from behind by Tyler Kennedy. Was a penalty called? No. Are these refs giving me trouble learning the rules of hockey? Yes. 1-1 Tied.

6:44- I understand that a few mistakes are going to be made on the defensive end, but how do you lose track of Sidney Crosby in the seam? How does that happen?!?! This Capitals defense has to wake up and stop hanging Varly out to dry. 1-1 Tied.

5:41- Penguins get called for too many men on the ice, and while this may sound like a pretty stupid penalty, I bet it happens more often than you'd think. It's not like basketball where you'd have to be a complete moron to have too many guys on the floor. These guys are hopping into and out of their bench so often, I'm actually surprised we haven't seen it more frequently. 1-1 Tied.

5:25- Scoooooooore! Nicklas Backstrom and Sergei Federov just worked the give and go to perfection. Backstrom to Federov in the corner, back to Backstrom cutting across the seam for a top-shelf surprise to beat Fleury gloveside. I'm pretty sure there's a dirty joke in there somewhere. 2-1 Caps.

1:44- Reaugh, our pervy color commentator, just commended the referees for not calling a ton of penalties (like Game 4) and letting these guys play. He said the game has been "delicious" because of it. Versus should probably run a disclaimer before games Reaugh calls. Something like, "pursuant to Meghan's law, Versus is required to inform you Daryl Reaugh will be calling tonight's game." 2-1 Caps.

0:00.0- A 2-1 Capitals lead is pretty much all I could have asked for at this point, but I'm worried about how Washington will handle this lead. You can't try to play keep away like they did in Game 2 because Crosby put up a hat trick and almost tied it. You have to keep your foot on the gas, right? Or does that not make any sense?

INTERMISSION-
Brian Engblom is busy patting himself on the back for saying Pittsburgh's Jordan Staal would break out of his slump and contribute tonight. This leads to an awkward exchange between Engblom and the Intermission Report host. Host: "Brian, you called Staal out. You think he heard you?" Engblom: "No, no way he heard me." Host: "You never know, they could have had Versus on in the locker room." Engblom: (silence). He didn't have the heart to say what everyone was thinking: No one watches Versus.

THIRD PERIOD-

19:09- Ruslan Fedotenko. Unfortunately, I can now type that name without looking up how to spell it and it's because he's owned Varly during this series. Off of a great feed from Evgeni Malkin (a backwards, between-the-legs, no-look pass), Fedotenko fired a laser to beat Varly gloveside and the kid never saw it. 2-2 Tied.

18:43- Great defense from Rob Scuderi on an Ovechkin breakaway. Ovie tried a spin move off of a long outlet pass and Scuderi got just enough of him to force Ovechkin into a weak shot attempt. But here's a question: Why wasn't a penalty called? It looked to me like Scuderi tripped him because, well, Ovechkin was tripped from behind and fell into the net. 2-2 Tied.

15:20- Washington's Boyd Gordon finally decided to block a shot attempt and had to go back to the bench because he took a slap shot off of his foot. Pittsburgh's been doing this all series. The Caps try it and someone gets hurt. Awesome. 2-2 Tied.

13:33- I mean, COME ON! Matt Cooke (probably my second or third least favorite Penguin behind Crosby and Orpik) just put home a third or fourth rebound attempt for Pittsburgh and the Caps have finally paid the price for failing to help their rookie goaltender. Varly made a couple of terrific stops, but couldn't make four in a row from less than five feet away. Uggggh. 3-2 Penguins.

10:02- Shocker: Semin just turned it over. Alert the media. 3-2 Penguins.

7:52- Varly's already made 31 saves tonight and we have close to 8 minutes left. How can you expect to win in the playoffs when you put so much pressure on your rookie goalie? Seriously? 3-2 Penguins.

5:40- Reaugh just dropped this little nugget on us: "The Capitals are 0-7 in Game Fives against the Penguins in their history.... Oh, and I hate America." 3-2 Penguins.

4:20- Varly just bailed Backstrom out, big time. Backy (that's my new nickname for him) just turned it over to Chris Kunitz deep in the Capitals zone and Varly had to make a great save to keep this thing from getting to 4-2. Now that Varly can legally drink, Backy owes him a beer. 3-2 Penguins.

4:08- OVECHKIN! Great passing from Mike Green to Backy to Ovie and the Caps have tied it up with eyes on finishing this thing in regulation because their legs have got to be killing them. If he hadn't already gotten so luck so far this series (see: completely turning his back on Federov in Game 3), I'd feel sorry for Fleury because he never had a chance. Ovie's not going to miss from there. 3-3 Tied.

1:27- Finally! Varlamov gets bumped by Fedotenko on the break and the Capitals defense finally stepped up and did something about it. All series long there's been a little shoving after Varly's gotten bumped or completely piled on, but nothing's ever really come from it. Good to see the Caps defense has a backbone. 3-3 Tied.

0:00.0- These poor bastards. After playing a full game last night, they had to travel from Pittsburgh to Washington, play the most important game of the series the very next night and now they have to go to overtime. This will be the most important 20 minutes of the series.

Let's get right to it.

OVERTIME-

20:00- Great stats from Versus. The Penguins are 19-14 all-time in overtime in the playoffs, the Caps are 14-20. Marc-Andre Fleury has a 4-0 playoff overtime record. But most important: through the history of the NHL, the winner of Game 5 in a tied series wins the series more than 80% of the time. 3-3 Tied.

19:47- Dave Steckel, once the pride of West Bend West High School in West Bend, Wisconsin, just had a great chance to send everyone home happy, but couldn't get a clean shot off. That would have blown the roof off of the Verizon Center. You would have found pieces of red t-shirts all over Chinatown. 3-3 Tied.

19:30- That leads directly to a crazy break from Crosby where he tried to skate in on Varly but the Iron Curtain (another new nickname) turned him away. As he was going passed Varly, Crosby did the classy thing and kind of punched him in the face, ripping off his helmet. That Crosby's like school on Sundays: no class. 3-3 Tied.

19:30- I think we have a 'Crosby Sucks' chant from the fans in the Phone Booth. It's about time. 3-3 Tied.

18:31- Yeah, that's a pretty easy tripping penalty call on the Jurcina. It was also a really smart penalty to take because Malkin had a great scoring opportunity if Jurcina hadn't tripped him up. Time for the scariest power play of the playoffs. 3-3 Tied.

16:32- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Not again! Another overtime goal that goes in off of a Capitals defenseman? Really? Malkin will get credit for the goal, but it's really Poti who deserves the credit, perfectly banking it off of his stick to beat Varly five-hole. Dagger. Daggerdaggerdaggerdagger. I can't believe that's the play on which this series will turn. Another 'own' goal from the Capitals, only this one came at home. Penguins Win, 4-3 in OT.

Watching the Penguins celebrate on the ice and watching the Capitals stare on in disbelief, I wouldn't be surprised if the Pens just pound the Caps in Game Six. Think about it. The Penguins are at home, they have all the momentum in the world, their fans will be going crazy and honestly, how do you come back from a game like this? You saw the stats. More than 80% of teams that win Game Five go on to win the series. It's a fact. It's science. It didn't have to be this way, either. If Varly had gotten any help (any help AT ALL) from his defenders, the Caps would have won 3-2 and would have at least had a shot to win the series in Game 7 back at the Verizon Center. I don't think that's going to happen.

Just so we don't end on a bad note, Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg have a way to make you smile.

http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/clips/digital-short-motherlover/1099491/

Lazy Friday: Pens Out-Hustle Caps for Game 4 Win

When America Online took Al Gore's internet idea and made it more user-friendly and relatively idiot-proof, I used to come home from school (we're talking 1995 or so) and go into the sports chat rooms. My favorite game was to go into the Denver Broncos room, pretend to be a fan and then describe vile acts that John Elway did with the livestock on his ranch. It wouldn't take long for the 'Guide Guy' to pop a window up on my screen and warn me about my language. I'd tell him to screw himself and I'd get kicked offline. I was 13 and thought I was easily the funniest man alive.

What does that have to do with this series? I never took it as far as one Pittsburgh Penguins fan did this week, when they said they were going to kill Alexander Ovechkin and they didn't care what happened to them.  Yeah, you put that sort of stuff out on the interweb and the federales will track you down.  We've come a long way since the 'Guide Guy.'

On to Game Four!

FIRST PERIOD

19:24- Nicklas Backstrom just made Marc-Andre Fleury look absolutely silly and it wasn't even because he put on a decent move or used great stick-handling. Backstrom just somehow managed to go 5-hole from 35 feet out to put the Caps up 1-0. Right between the wickets. I'll say this about Fleury: you never feel like you're completely out of it... when you're going against him. 1-0 Caps.

16:05- Gonchar is still good at hockey, right? I mean, this is a known fact that he is still a decent player and you have to check him? Because the Caps don't seem to think so. Gonchar just managed to stroll (if you can do that on skates) deep into the Washington zone and rip a wrister by Varly (bad goal) to tie it up. The Caps just treated Gonchar like a homeless guy who wandered onto the ice. Or a dog that started humping a stranger's leg. 'Just let him do his thing and he'll be on his way.' 1-1 Tied.

14:55- Are we sure Fleury isn't actually a fan who won some sort of 'Goalie for a Game' contest down at a Primanti Bros. sandwich shop? Sergei Federov just fired a slap shot off of the post that caromed back his way on the right side of the ice, but Fleury completely lost track of it and completely TURNED HIS BACK on Federov as he looked for the puck on the opposite side of the ice. Good times. 1-1 Caps.

9:35- Who are you and what have you done with Marc-Andre Fleury? The Pens goaltender just foiled what would have been a highlight-worthy pass and score from Erskine to Sergei Federov, stopping Federov with a nasty glove save. I miss the old Fleury. That guy that would have somehow lost his stick and tried to block the puck with his face. 1-1 Tied.

9:13- Bill Guerin just cleaned up Sidney Crosby's mess of a scoring opportunity when he lifted a rebound effort home over an outstretched Varly. Of course, the whole thing was set up by lazy passing from the Capitals, but Varly should get a ton of credit for stopping one of the elite goal scorers in the league (Crosby) on multiple, point-blank efforts. Too bad Guerin ruined it. 2-1 Penguins.

8:22- Emrick pretty much sums up everyone's feelings so far, "marvelous chaos, already." I don't know about you, but I don't use 'marvelous' enough in my D2D (that's day to day). 2-1 Penguins.

6:15- We get this gem from our broadcasting crew: "you can hold your own stick, but you can't hold the other guys." Such is life. Caps on the power play after Brooks Orpik committed the penalty officially called "holding the stick." Michael Scott of Scranton, PA, loves this. 2-1 Penguins.

5:05- That's one way to get the crowd to warm up to you. Ovechkin just spun Gonchar around in the air thanks to a leg-on-leg hit. Great, now Crosby's talking to the referee, no doubt complaining about something. Here's the thing these mouth-breathers in Pittsburgh need to understand: it's HOCKEY. Collisions happen and as Emrick reminds us: "I guess you don't get into this line of work if you're looking to avoid collisions, right?" He said it. 2-1 Penguins.

4:35- Varly has officially turned into a pumpkin. Ruslan Fedotenko just fired a wrister directly at Varlamov's glove from about 40 feet out and Varly couldn't stop it. The kid's finally playing like a 21-year-old who is wayyyyy over his skis. 3-1 Penguins.

4:12- Wait, how do the Penguins still have a power play right now? I know they just scored a 4-on-4 goal, but doesn't that mean the Caps get a player back out on the ice? Our venerable Versus announcers need to understand hockey neophytes like myself are actually watching hockey on television again and may have forgotten (or never known) all of the rules. 3-1 Penguins.

1:13- Feeding off of their crowd, the Penguins are out-hitting the Capitals every chance they get and after a particularly illegal-looking 2-on-1 hit on Shaone Morrisonn alon gthe boards, I'm beginning to wonder what you have to do to get whistled for a penalty. Apparently you have to wear a Capitals jersey? 3-1 Penguins.

0:22.1- Finally! Malkin gets whistled for elbowing and the Caps should have a power play to start the second period, something the Penguins have managed to do an alarming number of times so far this series. 3-1 Penguins.

0:07.4- How did that not go in?!?! Ovechkin just had a great look from the right post as Fleury and Rob Scuderi went to the ice during a scrum in the crease, but somehow the puck stayed out. Upon further review, it's because Fleury was in the net. Is that legal? Because it doesn't seem like it should be. 3-1 Penguins.

INTERMISSION-

Brian Engblom and his tri-toned hair weave tells us Sergei Gonchar will be sorely missed by the Pittsburgh Penguins if he misses any length of time due to injury.  Oh, you think so, doctor?  You think a guy who has already scored a goal tonight and helped keep Ovechkin in check is someone the Penguins might miss?  Thanks for the insight.

SECOND PERIOD-

20:00- As Emrick reminds us, the team to score first has lost the first three games of this series. Nice omen to bring up as the Caps open up the second period on the power play. 3-1 Penguins.

18:07- Federov just committed a great penalty (if there is such a thing), made up for his own mistake, and probably saved a goal in the process. After his bad pass led to a turnover, Federov lost his stick but managed to track down Malkin (who had just come out of the penalty box) and shove him from behind to stop a 2-on-1 break. Penguins on the power play, but it could have been much worse. 3-1 Penguins.

16:07- Caps kill another power play and Varly looked good doing it. He stopped a Malkin slap shot and put himself in a great position to get just enough of a Chris Kunitz deflection and send it off of the post. Varly needs a clean period here (don't we all, ladies?) to get his confidence back. 3-1 Penguins.

15:11- I freely admit I might not know enough about hockey to legitimately complain about the referees, but this is getting ridiculous. Pittsburgh's Matt Cooke just tripped Ovechkin in transition, but there was no call. Emrick: "Capitals fans would think he was tripped there." Ummm... because he was? 3-1 Penguins.

13:11- WHAT?!?! I'm about as animated as I've ever been during a hockey game and it's because these referees are killing me. Crosby just kind of fell to his knees in transition after a slight (and I do mean slight) check from Backstrom, but whether he played it up or because of the name on the back of his jersey, Crosby got the call and the Penguins have themselves a power play. I have a beef with this call only because if you're going to whistle Backstrom for interference, then Ovie should have gotten the tripping call from Matt Cooke two minutes ago. 3-1 Penguins.

12:13- Another gem from our color commentator: "the problem for Washington is they're taking too many penalties." Really? Really?!? Or could it be the referees have been horrible tonight? 3-1 Penguins.

11:11- Caps kill the penalty and Versus just put up a side-by-side fullscreen comparison of Ovechkin and Crosby's stats. Ovie leads in goals (5-4), Shots (29-17), Hits (15-4) and Testicles (3-2). Impressive. 3-1 Penguins.

10:12- Wait, a Penguin just got called for a penalty? Are you sure? I didn't even know it was possible. Caps on the power play. 3-1 Penguins.

8:09- Annnnnnd... we're back to normal. Literally three seconds after the Capitals' power play ended, Todd Fleischmann gets whistled for cross checking. It's almost like these referees are under orders to extend this series or something. Hmm.... 3-1 Penguins.

4:52- Chris Clark pulls the Caps to within one, but Mike Green is the guy who's going to make the highlight reels tonight. His stickhandling through the seam just embarrassed two Penguins, then his wrister went off of the post before Clark managed to poke home the rebound. One of the prettiest assists you'll see and the Caps finally have a pulse. 3-2 Penguins.

2:51- Ovechkin just put a solid hit on Malkin and the referees actually let it go. I know, I'm recovering from shock as I write this. 3-2 Penguins.

0:00.0- That might have been the worst, most indecisive power play I've seen the Capitals have all postseason. Ovechkin hardly handled the puck at all, and Semin and Backstrom looked like they were playing keep away. How can you just waste a playoffs power play like that? Ugghhh. 3-2 Penguins.

INTERMISSION-

Brian Engblom and the technicolor head of lettuce has a little piece of advice for Pittsburgh: keep an eye on Alexander Ovechkin during a power play. Because, you know, Ovie's pretty good. So you're saying you should keep an eye on a team's best scorer during a power play?

THIRD PERIOD-

19:24- Annnd the Capitals are now 0-for-4 on the power play tonight. Add that little stat to the fact Ovechkin has been MIA for most of the night and this thing shouldn't even be as close as it is. 3-2 Penguins.

16:53- When both announcers agree Orpik "got away with one there" I think the referees have a problem. There shouldn't be any 'getting away' with anything in the playoffs. Playoff hockey deserves playoff announcers. And when Orpik grabs Semin, holds him, then spins him around and pulls him to the ice... BLOW THE WHISTLE! 3-2 Penguins.

15:44- Ballgame. Or puck-game. Or whatever you call it in hockey when there is still time left on the clock, but the game is effectively over. Miroslav Satan and Crosby just worked a perfect 2-on-1 break where John Erskine knew Satan was going to give it up to Crosby, but Satan somehow threaded in a perfect pass for Crosby to stick home. Looking at the replay, the pass actually went through Erskine's legs. Why wouldn't it? Puck-game. 4-2 Penguins.

15:44- I'm sorry, but looking at replays of the goal, it's obvious Crosby's teammates don't like him as much as Ovechkin's teammates like Ovie. When Ovechkin scores, there is genuine emotion coming from his teammates. They're happy for him. When Crosby just scored the game-clinching goal in the playoffs, his teammates looked like they were celebrating with him because they had to. I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'. 4-2 Penguins.

15:30- Enough! Enough with the penalties. The Penguins are already up two goals at home, we don't need any more of these one-sided calls. Thanks, we're all set. We'll just take the check, please. 4-2 Penguins.

13:37- Now wait just one second, don't pack up the bus just yet. Milan Jurcina just ripped home a slap shot from out near the blue line to bring the Caps back to within one. Orpik is complaining because he says he was pushed into the net, but that didn't seem to bother Pittsburgh when it helped block an Ovechkin flurry just before the end of the first period. Can't have it both ways, Orpik (what kind of a name is 'Orpik' anyway? An electronic toothbrush?). 4-3 Penguins.

13:09- A few Pittsburgh-level celebrities in attendance: Nick Nolte, John Kerry and Mike Tomlin (graduate of William & Mary). Here's how they rank in terms of how much I'd like to have a beer with them: 1) Tomlin, 2) Nolte, 953) Kerry. 4-3 Penguins.

11:17- Great sequence for Varlamov. Save after deflection after save after misdirection. Where has this been all night? How can he do this and not stop weak wristers from more than 30 feet out? Is it a style thing? I don't get it. 4-3 Penguins.

9:37- Only two shots on goal from Ovechkin. Two. I may not know much about hockey, but I know that won't get the job done. 4-3 Penguins.

5:14- Puck-game. Max Talbot, after getting stoned by Varly a minute ago on a highlight reel save, beats Varlamov stickside on the breakaway. Color Commentator guy agrees: "that one looked stoppable, too." I couldn't agree more. 5-3 Penguins.

1:42- Even with an empty net, the Caps can't get anything going. If it's possible (it's definitely dangerous) to sleepwalk on ice, the Caps have done it all night. It's like the coaching staff got together before the game and decided they'd keep Ovechkin rested for Saturday night and just get back to D.C. with the series tied at 2-2. 5-3 Penguins.

0:00.0- (siiiiiiigh) Penguins win, 5-3.

I get the distinct impression the Caps took a night off and if that's the case, I don't get it. I really don't. Ovechkin was ineffective (an understatement) and really the only thing he contributed was possibly putting Gonchar out of commission for Game 5. I really got the impression the Capitals coaching staff decided they would be content with a 2-2 series tie heading back to D.C. and that's a dangerous way to make a living in the playoffs. Why not go all-out and try to go up 3-1 with a chance to end it at the Verizon Center? Why not do whatever you can to step on the throats of a ridiculously dangerous and talented team (like, say, the Penguins?) when you're up 2-0 in the series?

Instead, the Penguins have all the momentum in the world heading into Game 5 and the Caps are in serious danger of losing home ice advantage. I'd also like to thank the schedulers at the NHL for not giving these two teams a travel day between Games 4 and 5. Thanks a ton. Now we get to watch two worn-out teams play sloppy hockey (on Versus, no less) in what really should be the best series of the playoffs. It isn't hard to see why hockey isn't more popular.

I know this is probably obvious, but I'll say it: whoever wins Game 5 wins this series. The sad part for the Caps is it didn't have to be that way.

Caps Get 'Owned': Pens Grab Game 3 Win

I did an interview with the Fox Sports Radio affiliate Tuesday afternoon where we spent the entire block talking about this series. Twenty minutes, all hockey. That's up there on the list of things I never thought I'd do, just below get the chance to slap Bob Saget in the face and just above throw out the first pitch at a baseball game. The weird thing was... it wasn't weird. We talked about this series, my hatred of Crosby and my love of Ovechkin, and one of the hosts, Adam Mendelson, brought up a great point.

I was kind of making fun of the fact that Crosby's hat trick in Game 2 was 'cheap,' in that he was on the doorstep for all three goals and kind of took advantage of Varlamov's inability to corral a loose puck. He said people used to say the same thing about Cal Ripken, Jr., and how he managed to maintain a ridiculous fielding percentage despite not having a ton of range. Ripken said something to the effect of, "well, I always put myself in good position so I don't need to have a good range. I'm always where I'm supposed to be." Such is Crosby, apparently. A hat trick (in the playoffs) is a hat trick (IN THE PLAYOFFS). I get it.

I still kind of want to punch him.

On to Game Three!

PRE-GAME-
Jack Bauer opens up Versus' broadcast with an ominous-sounding, 'The following is a presentation... of the National Hockey League.' Taking place between 7pm and 10pm.

Mike Emrick and Daryl Reaugh open things up from the Igloo with Reaugh quickly submitting his entry into the Broadcasters wing of the 'That's What She Said Hall of Fame.' He calls Ovechkin a 'wicked one-timer and a volume shooter' and says Crosby is all about 'second whacks, third whacks, hammering home opportunities.' A very immature guy sitting in my living room and typing on my computer is giggling.

Versus' Chris Simpson scores an interview with Pittsburgh Head Coach Dan Bylsma who, contrary to his in-game performance, is not dead. He's been about as animated as a Weekend at Bernie's remake, and pretty much calls out Evgeni Malkin as a guy who needs to step up if the Pens are going to avoid getting swept.

I'm slowly starting to fall in love with the unintentional comedy of the Versus Hockey Central Pre-Game Report, if only because of Brian Engblom's hair. It's a weird kind of thinning, back-hair transplant where the top is 4 shades lighter (an unsettling strawberry blonde) than the sides. When you first look at it, you'd think it's a toupee, but that's impossible because no one would intentionally put something that disgusting on top their head.

Switching gears from disgusting to tasty delicious, my fiancee and I decided to bring a taste of D.C. home for Game 3: Five Guys Burgers and Fries. This place is spreading across the country like Swine Flu, but any place that has Washingtonian Magazine covers and Washington Post restaurant reviews on its walls (in Tampa), knows where its bread is buttered. In case you're interested, Little Bacon Cheeseburger with Mayo, Ketchup, Mustard, Lettuce, Tomato, Jalapenos, and Barbecue Sauce, with a regular order of Cajun Style fries. Out-freaking-standing.

FIRST PERIOD-

20:00- We start with our two stars on the bench. Malkin's line opens things up for Pittsburgh while Steckel's line starts for Washington. So far in this series, Steckel's line has out-played Malkin's, but I think that'll change tonight. I'm expecting a big game from Malkin.

18:37- What the hell just happened?!?! The Caps are up 1-0 because Fleury somehow lost his stick and tried to block an Ovechkin one-timer (off of a room service backboards bounce) with his body. That's never going to work. What the hell was Fleury doing? The Igloo is silent and for good reason. Ovechkin's 8th goal of the playoffs, and his third straight game with a goal. It's the first time in the series the Caps have scored first, they've taken the crowd out of it, and we're only 1:23 in. 1-0 Caps.

16:09- Another gem from our color commentator, Daryl Reaugh. He wants to see more composure out of Pittsburgh because right now, "it's a little scrambly wambly." Is that a technical hockey term? 1-0 Caps.

15:38- Miroslav Satan (not pronounced the way you'd think) just had a great scoring chance for Pittsburgh but couldn't cash in. Varly made a nice save, but he's doing something that I find annoying as a non-hockey die-hard. Don't you want your goalie to catch the puck instead of just deflecting it back out? He just kind of swatted Satan's wrister, but he deflected it right back to him, giving Satan a second shot. Is that something that just gets better with experience or is it a style thing or what? Because that's hurt Varly in his playoff baptism thus far. 1-0 Caps.

10:52- Nicklas Backstrom just came darn close to pulling off one of my favorite moves in hockey: the wrap-around goal where you come in from one side, go behind the goal, then try to tuck the puck in the other side of the net. Backstrom's momentum carried just a little too far away from the goal because it was there and he just missed. That's the second time Fleury's been wayyyy out of position. And yes, this is the kind of hard-hitting hockey insight that you can expect from this blog. 1-0 Caps.

10:22- We have our first power play opportunity for the Caps. Versus tells us so far this series, the Caps are 2 for 7 when they have the advantage and I have no idea whether that's good or not. I do know, because I went to college, that they have been unsuccessful on 5 of their last 7 power plays. You're welcome. 1-0 Caps.

8:07- Daryl Reaugh tells us you should be careful trying to make a 50-foot pass into your box. That sounds like it's a safety tip for the ladies, as well. 1-0 Caps.

7:12- Now the Penguins have their first power play opportunity of the night. I don't have specific numbers, but I remember thinking the Caps did a great job killing power plays during Games 1 and 2. Now I have the stats: Pens are 2 for 10 in this series. Not good. 1-0 Caps.

5:12- Caps kill the power play (again) and I've just killed my burger and every last one of my fries. Starting in on my fiance's fries.... now. 1-0 Caps.

2:57- "Just a nightmare opening period for him" says Reaugh about Fleury. That might be an understatement considering how Fleury is playing like a kid the Pens just pulled out of a street hockey league in Aurora, Illinois. Car... Game On! 1-0 Caps.

2:11- Varly 1, Malkin 0. A Caps turnover just gave 'Gino' (as the Penguins fans keep chanting) just had a borderline breakaway on Varlamov and the V-Train just told him the kitchen was closed... no more cookies. Really a poor attempt from Malkin. What's wrong with this guy? Isn't he a Hart Trophy finalist? 1-0 Caps.

0:25.9- Wow. If they awarded points for stickwork or individual effort, Crosby would have just padded his stat sheet. Sid just pulled off a video game type of move, carved up the Capitals transition defense, then came close to creating another one of his 'ugly' goals before Milan Jurnica took a delay of game penalty for dislodging the net, easily the smartest penalty of the series so far. 1-0 Caps.

0:0.7- Another ridiculous save from Varlamov as he stopped Kris Letang just before the horn. Pittsburgh ripped off a slap shot after time expired but apparently that's not a penalty even though these hard rubber pucks go about 100mph. Whatever. 1-0 Caps.

INTERMISSION-

I'll go ahead and say The Hangover has now achieved 'Must See' status for me this summer. If you've laughed even a little bit at the commercials aired during this series, you have to check out the full trailer. Mike Tyson at the end made me pee a little.

SECOND PERIOD-

20:00- Pittsburgh starts the period on the power play and the Pens must have downed some 5-hour energy drinks or the Weekend at Bernie's stand-in (Pittsburgh's coach, Dan Bylsma) gave a monster inspirational speech because Pittsburgh's playing quicker and sharper than they did in the first period. 1-0 Caps.

18:25- Apparently that energy didn't mean anything because the Caps just killed their second power play of the night. I obviously know nothing about hockey. 1-0 Caps.

17:02- In addition to Varly and Me, Mike Emrick informs us the Capitals have a stud goalie waiting down at the AHL level who is unbeaten in the AHL playoffs. Understatement of the series comes courtesy of Reaugh, "yeah, the Caps are fairly deep at the position." Translation: Jose Theodore's agent might want to start working the phones. 1-0 Caps.

13:28- Reaugh says the Penguins have gone to a different level with their intensity. I made that same observation 6 minutes ago. *Sniff. 1-0 Caps.

12:03- Reaugh says this is, "starting to turn into a battle of sandpaper versus vasilinity." You can't make this stuff up. For the record, I choose vasilinity. Every time. 1-0 Caps.

10:31- At first I thought it was just a great puck fake, but it turns out Pittsburgh's Ruslan Fedotenko just got a crazy lucky bounce off of Milan Jurcina on a 2-on-1 break to beat Varly gloveside. If I didn't know better, I'd think Jurcina tried to bank it to Fedotenko because that bounce couldn't have been any better. 1-1 Tied.

9:55- We have our stupid retaliation penalty of the game, courtesy of Washington's Mike Green. He gets caught slashing and gives the Penguins a power play less than 1 minute after they scored their first goal of the game. Awesome. 1-1 Tied.

7:02- The hits keep coming. Sergei Federov is down and he's acting like he's been shot. It looks like he twisted his wrist or hand when he was kind of locked up with Hal Gill. No big deal. The Caps can obviously win without one of the best scorers of the last 10 years. Right? 1-1 Tied.

3:47- Nifty sequence for Varly. Crosby out-hustled three Capitals to a loose puck in the corner, made a great pass to Satan who tried from the left point then grabbed his rebound and tried a wraparound back to the right side but Varly was sitting there waiting for by the time Satan made it around. Don't let goalies fool you. They may not have to move a great distance, but they still have to be quick. 1-1 Tied.

0:43.6- You're damn right Varly just got called for slashing. What's the penalty for jumping on a goalie and trying to rip his mask off? Is that not in the rule book? Because that's exactly what Evgeni 'Geno' Malkin just tried to do. Ohh... but the refs missed that and caught the retaliation instead. Come on. 1-1 Tied.

INTERMISSION-

Decision time. Our DVR (courtesy of the lovely folks over at Brighthouse Networks) only lets you DVR two things at the same time, but if you do that, you then can't watch a third. Which means our plans of watching the game while recording American Idol and Lost are going to have to change. Who gets dropped? That's right. Lost. Probably because this has been my least favorite season, but most likely because I'm genuinely interested in who gets voted off of American Idol and couldn't care any less about how any of the fringe characters on Lost came to be how they are today. I know J.J. Abrams has been busy with the Star Trek movie, but is it too much to ask to ADVANCE THE #$$%&-ING Lost STORYLINE?!?!

THIRD PERIOD-

20:00- Shocker. The Penguins open up the third period on a power play. There has to be some kind of record for 'Number of Times a Team Started a Period on a Power Play In a Single Series.' If so, the Penguins are threatening that record. If not, then I have too much time on my hands. 1-1 Tied.

16:56- Great graphic showing how little Ovechkin's been able to do tonight: he only has two shots on the night. Sure he has one goal, but Fleury gift-wrapped it for him. Two shots and we're into the third period. Not good times. 1-1 Tied.

15:34- VARLY! Another ridiculous sequence for Varly where he makes a dumb move and doesn't properly clear the puck, has it stolen by Pascal Dupuis, stops a shot from Petr Sykora then dives back to his left to stop Dupuis. That's about the fourth time he's just owned Dupuis tonight. Dupuis needs to start calling Varlamov, 'Sir.' 1-1 Tied.

15:06- Ovechkin heads to the Sin Bin for two minutes thanks to a pretty awesome shove on Crosby where he put Clark Kent into the post. As long as the Caps kill this penalty, it was all worth it. Crosby kind of reminds me of Alex Rodriguez in terms of likability. 1-1 Tied.

13:06- Despite having Crosby, Malkin and Sergei Gonchar on the same line during a power play, the Penguins can't push one across. They're now 0-for-5 on the advantage tonight. If I'm a Pittsburgh fan, first I'm brushing my teeth, second I'm scratching my head. 1-1 Tied.

8:12- I had to pause it to make sure I got all this down because that last sequence was outstanding. Ovechkin lays someone out (don't care enough to go back and see exactly who) along the boards in the Washington zone, puck moves ahead to Malkin at the red line, Malkin then carves and stickworks (not a verb, I know) his way through the Capitals defense by going backwards between his legs (!), then fires a great pass that leads to a fantastic opportunity for Bill Guerin right on the doorstep... but Varly turns it away. Wow. 1-1 Tied.

5:50- As Malkin draws a penalty, we get a shot of his parents in the stands. His Dad looks like a much older, cape-less version of the Count from Sesame Street. His mother looks like Andre the Giant's younger sister with a bad dye job. 1-1 Tied.

4:59- The Millennium Falcon scores to put Pittsburgh up for the first time since the second period of Game 2. Great goal, too. Nice move to get to the middle of the zone, then fires a left-handed wrister that beats Varly top shelf (love getting to type that). Varly never had a chance with Bill Guerin standing in the crease, but whatever. Nice shot of Malkin's mom celebrating in the stands, asking everyone around her if they want a peanut. 2-1 Penguins.

2:28- Caps get their second power play of the night after Dupuis gets whistled for interference. How have the Penguins had 6 power plays and the Caps are just now getting their second? Is this common in hockey? 2-1 Penguins.

1:50- That didn't take long. Backstrom banks it in off of Fleury and the Caps knot things up at 2 apiece. Ovechkin drew a crazy amount of attention from the Pittsburgh defenders, he almost acted like a decoy. Just a bad night for Fleury. I don't know what the numbers look like, but Varly has to have faced at least 10 more shots and hasn't made too many boneheaded plays. Looks like we're headed to overtime. 2-2 Tied.

0:00.0- We are.

INTERMISSION-

It may have taken me way too long, but I just realized the 'FreeCreditReport.com' guys are lip-syncing. Their parents must be really proud.

19:03- Versus finally put up the shots on goal graphic. Penguins have 34, Capitals have 18. Varly's a warrior and he's not getting too much help from his teammates. 2-2 Tied.

17:45- Brian Pothier gets whistled for a really stupid penalty, firing a puck into the stands in your own zone. It's a delay of game penalty and gives the Penguins a power play, at home, in overtime, in the playoffs. Great penalty Pothier. 2-2 Tied.

15:40- Another insane sequence for Varly. He gets piled on by his own teammates as well as a few Penguins, loses his stick, has to stop a Gonchar slap shot and another sweet penetration move from Malkin (who doesn't like a sweet penetration move?), all while sitting down or diving around on the ice. This guy is amazing. 2-2 Tied.

10:53- Crosby definitely reminds me of Alex Rodriguez now as he's complaining to one of the referees about why a penalty wasn't called on Jurcina for a nice hit he put on Clark Kent a minute ago. How about because it's hockey and that stuff happens? I'm just guessing. 2-2 Tied.

8:37- Really? REALLY?!?! That's how this ends? With a borderline own goal courtesy of what looked like a re-direct try from Shaone Morrisonn? They'll give the goal to Kris Letang because he fired the lame wrister, but Morrisonn should get credit because Varly was in position only to have the re-direct scoot past him and just inside the post. Just a criminal ending considering how well Varly played (39 saves), and how little help he got from his teammates (the Caps managed only 23 shots on goal). 3-2 Penguins win in OT.

After Game 2, I thought the Caps would lose Game 3. I thought the Penguins would come out focused, determined, and with their home crowd behind them, I thought the Caps might 'take a game off' and gear up to take a 3-1 series lead in Game 4. But when Washington got that gimme goal in the first period, I thought the Caps might steal one and effectively end the series tonight. Now Caps fans have to worry about a hangover in Game 4 and if the Penguins even up the series Friday night, you have to worry about the Caps playing tight and the Penguins having all the momentum for Game 5 back at the Verizon Center.

Either way, hockey fans in general will be treated to at least a five-game series which is great for the game. Caps fans should just hope this thing wraps up on Saturday night in D.C.

Russian Revolution: Caps Take Game Two

I caught myself laughing during a commercial break early in NBC's broadcast of Game One on Saturday when they ran the usual disclaimer of how the "the pictures, descriptions and accounts of this game cannot be reproduced without the expressed written consent of the National Hockey League." Uhh... not going to be a problem.

It's the NHL! Who are they trying to kid? That's like a 70-year-old woman at a casino telling you not to take advantage of her just because she's been drinking. Thanks, I think I'll be able to restrain myself. With the way the league has been run into the ground over the last 10 years, the NHL should be so lucky to have anyone even consider reproducing anything the game put on the air (if they could even find it on Versus in the first place).

(Quick note about Versus: their first commercial break during the Game Two pre-game show included ads for Polaris ATVs, the Indy 500 Time Trials, and Evinrude boat engines. Ladies and gentlemen... Versus!)

Again, I have to preface everything by saying I'm not the biggest hockey fan in the world, but I'm learning. And that should say a lot about this series: it MAKES me want to be a better hockey fan. This series... completes me.

To me, the biggest difference between Crosby and Ovechkin came through during their pre-game interviews. Crosby was asked about how he felt he was playing and he said he'd like to put home a few more scoring opportunities but overall was happy with his performance. In that situation, I think you say something like, 'it doesn't matter how I'm playing if we don't win. I won't be satisfied with my performance unless we're winning.' But that's just how I roll.

Ovechkin, on the other hand, did it right. He was asked who he felt was the most underrated player on the Caps and he named what he called the 'Checking Line' (I'm going to start calling it Steckel's Line), but then went on to list everyone else on the team (including Varly). That's how it's done.

Before Game One, NBC's Mike Milbury questioned whether Ovechkin was fully healthy and whether he had the energy to lead the Caps through what promised to be a difficult series. Game Two will (hopefully) shut him up. Ovechkin's motor was pushing red the whole game. Three minutes in, he put a huge hit on Matt Cooke (for the second time this series), then had to be separated from Tyler Kennedy after a little more than five minutes.

Pittsburgh, meanwhile, looked like they were trying to play the Caps a little more physically. I think in hockey (again, basing this on absolutely zero knowledge whatsoever), it's important to try to set a tone in Game Two because you're so busy spending the first game trying to feel each other out. The Penguins tried to be bullies (a little bit) in Game Two and it didn't work because a) Ovechkin won't be bullied, and b) Crosby is too much of a finessey bitch to bully anyone.

But I'll give the Pens credit for the physical strategy because it paid off early. Brooks Orpik went after the crotch (weird, Opik's from San Francisco) of Alexander Semin on a little scrap, but Semin ended up with roughing and high-sticking penalties while Orpik just got a roughing penalty. What happens? Clark Kent scores on the doorstep after Varly couldn't come up with a rebound. Pittsburgh gets a rare power play goal. Awesome.

As much as I love to watch Ovechkin play, I'm really starting to appreciate what Dave Steckel is doing for the Caps. Close to 10 minutes in, he took a perfect outlet pass from Brian Pothier and drew a penalty on Kris Letang after he just went Happy Gilmore-style into Marc Andre Fleury. Steckel's always going to be underrated as long as he suits up with Ovie, but he's really fun to watch. When he scored to tie things up at 2 in the second period, you could see Ovie appreciates him, as well. Ovechkin's celebration on the bench was like a pitcher who's in the middle of a complete game gem, gets a run of support from his teammates, and that's all he needs. (A la Tom Glavine in Game Six of the 1995 World Series.... but I digress).

Now, for Alexander the Great. Allow me one more analogy. Garth Brooks had been trying to do a duet or collaboration with Jimmy Buffet for years, even during his heyday of the early 1990's. But there was a problem: no one liked Garth. He had a reputation of being tough to work with, a little bit of a diva, and Jimmy Buffet didn't necessarily want to go out of his way to work with someone like that. Along came guys like Alan Jackson, Kenny Chesney and Georget Strait, however, and Jimmy Buffett was back on the radio with new music again. I guess what I'm saying is, talent recognizes talent.

How does this relate to Great 8? LeBron James may not know a lot about hockey, but he knows talent. That's why he and Ovie have a budding friendship and why they've exchanged signed jerseys. You don't see Bron-Bron doing that with Crosby, and even though I have no info to back this up, I'm willing to be it's because no one likes Crosby (ok, that's probably just me).

Ovechkin's first goal came off of some outstanding passing from Viktor Kozlov and Sergei Federov. His second and third goals came off of his God-blessed hockey stick. He beat Fleury stickside (again) for his second goal, then beat him again on a just-flat-out-unfair gloveside wrister on the break, with Sergei Gonchar acting as a Chef on South Park-style human shield. As soon as that one left his stick, everyone in the Verizon Center thought the same thing: "Ballgame." Or was it, "puck game?" I can't tell with hockey.

My fiance, who knows more about hockey because she grew up in New England and was good friends with Mike Milbury's daughter (they were soccer co-captains at Exeter), saw Ovie beat Fleury for his third goal and asked out loud, "was Fleury even paying attention?" I was thinking the same thing until I saw the replay. Gonchar set a visual pick and Fleury didn't have a chance.

Crosby tacked on a sloppy goal to complete his hat trick (does it even count when he was in the crease for two of those goals?), but it proved harmless as the Caps took a solid 2-0 series lead. It's too early to call it a 'commanding' lead, because let's be honest, Pittsburgh is talented enough to win the next two in the Igloo and then it's a 3 game series. But for now, Ovie's healthy and playing some of his best hockey of the season at the best time, the Steckel line is stepping up big time, and Varly's growing up before our eyes.

I tell you this: I won't laugh at the next NHL "expressed, written consent" warning. This series might actually be worth saving.